Everything tells a story… even a simple beer bong has a tale to tell….
While Bongo the beer bong was a beloved fellow, his short tale would end in tragedy.
It was during this time of my life that I loved to party. Now that I’m much older… maybe a tad wiser, I drink for quality, not quantity; however, during my younger years, more the merrier!
Bongo was always the center of the party! I didn’t use him much… I struggled to learn the fine arts of beer bong operations, but many of my friends had mastered the techniques and loved him dearly.
The details of the night are a bit fuzzy, but a few images are forever burned into my brain. I’ll never forget this great tragedy…
During my freshman year at Ohio State, I lived in a dorm with my childhood friend. We’d been friends since the second grade, and he enjoyed a good party like me.
On this night, the beer was flowing early in our dorm, and we had big plans for the bars. My roommate, however, was already well on his way to making us proud. His night would end in a date with a Sharpe marker and obscene words written on his back, but that would all come later… and is a tale for another time.
Well before the Sharpe incident, he unfortunately contributed to the tragic demise of Bongo. He climbed into our storage unit located above our closets. This is a good eight feet above the ground, maybe more.
It’s important to understand that my roommate is a big boy. I’m not talking fat, just tall and built very well. Not the kind of body meant for our storage closet. Granted… it most likely wasn’t meant for a body at all.
Now imagine his feet hanging out one end of the storage closet and his head out the other end. The sliding doors were in the middle. It was a feat to behold! We were louder than a Baptist preacher on a Sunday morning as we rolled on the floor laughing.
Yeah, I know… you’re probably thinkin’, “What’s so funny about that?” But remember… we’re talkin’ about drunk 19 year-old guys. We were pretty easy to entertain. Lol!
So, the novelty of the stunt eventually wore off and he started his descent. He quickly realized that climbing down was much more difficult than climbing up. He was as successful as an elephant walking through the front door. Being such good friends, we continued to laugh at his failed attempts to climb down.
Then it got serious! You know how you can drink, drink, and drink some more, yet not pee? However, once you’re tapped, there’s no turning back and you’re going every 20 minutes? Well… he was tapped and trapped all at the same time!
This resulted in more mocking and laughter. However, we finally decided to show mercy and help. We also didn’t want the dorm smelling like a feral tom cat.
The process of extraction was going slower than a herd of snails traveling through peanut butter, and his bladder was reaching critical mass. We finally concluded that he needed a relief valve!
We tried the trash can, but quickly realized that his position in the storage closet and aim might pose a problem. He might have thought of himself as well endowed, but based on his position, he’d need to do a good amount of stretching to make the trash can.
We finally turned to our beloved Bongo… Poor guy didn’t realize his approaching fate, but his elongated tube was perfect for inserting a guy’s manhood, and then steer his emptying bladder towards the trash can.
Despite the sanitizing nature of alcohol, we’d seen too much. I don’t care if you scrubbed him with Clorox, we’d never use Bongo again.
Poor Bongo… a tragic end for such a friend. 😜
Crock’s Thoughts 