Crock’s Thoughts

Hmmm… In the words of Winnie-the-Pooh, “Think, think, think.” 🤔 This writing prompt is taking a little thinkin’… Ooh, I know!

Sooo… If I ever started a sports team—and I have no clue what it would be—the colors would be red and yellow. Not because of tradition, heritage, or focus groups, but because they perfectly represent the two pillars of civilization: pizza and beer!

Yeah, I know… I’m writing about pizza and beer again… get over it! Lol!

I mean, let’s forget intimidating color palettes meant to strike fear into opponents. I want our jerseys to boldly say, “Relax… no matter how this game turns out, this is gonna be a delicious night.”

Our mascot? Well, duh… It would obviously be a beer-drinkin’ pizza chef with a glorious handlebar mustache. You know… the kind of chef who definitely looks like the Swedish Chef from the Muppets. Always shouting, “DON’T FERK WIT MY PIZZA!” while silently judging your terrible beer choices.

Okay… maybe not judging silently. Because no one silently judges terrible beer choices. I mean, friends just don’t let friends drink crappy beer. It’s not judgment, it’s kinda sorta an intervention. Just saying… 🤷

Anyway, our mascot would toss pizza dough during timeouts, sip a frosty mug with confidence, and glare disapprovingly at anyone who asks if pineapple belongs on pizza.

Now, I actually don’t mind pineapple on pizza… but to avoid controversy with the pizza purest, I’d keep it pineapple free.

Instead of Dime-a-Dog Night, we’d host Dime-a-Slice Night. Yep! There’d be hot, cheesy slices flying faster than foul balls. Grease-stained napkins would become the official fan uniform. And yes, we’d serve quality beer only! None of that mostly-water-piss-in-a-bottle nonsense! If the beer is not stronger than the pepperoni, well… it just won’t make the roster!

So, while wins would be nice, championships even better… at the end of the season, this team would already be undefeated where it counts: the concession stand! 🍕🍺