Crock’s Thoughts

So, some people hate loud chewers. Some can’t stand when someone says, “irregardless.” Me? Ohhh no… mine are far more dramatic. Truly life-altering stuff right here.

Pet Peeve #1: Waking up 15 minutes before my alarm

I mean, really?! There is no betrayal more personal than this. I don’t care what anyone says. Those last 15 minutes are pure, Grade-A, gourmet sleep! That’s the sleep where your dreams are crisp, your pillow feels like a cloud that took out a loan to afford even softer feathers, and your body has finally achieved a comfortable position worth writing poetry about. And then… BAM! Just as you’re about to take a bite of that cheesy perfect pizza in your dreams… your eyes pop open, you see the clock, and you’re hit with the most disrespectful thought of all, “Why, body? WHY?!”

You can’t fall back asleep. You can’t get up. You just lie there staring at the clock… each minute slowly—like a medieval torture device—counting down until you must leave your comfy covers.

Yeah, I know… some of you are judging me by saying, “Why don’t you get up and do something productive?” Yeah, whatever! Get out of here you fancy-smancy productivity pants! 

Pet Peeve #2: Slow drivers in the left lane

Grumble… grumble… trying to keep this one clean…

These people think the left lane is their throne! Like they were crowned the official king or queen of traffic obstruction. They’re cruising at 54 in a 65 like they’re guiding a parade float. Meanwhile, the rest of us are behind them losing our sanity one brake tap at a time.

I swear—and trust me… I’m swearing—every time I’m stuck behind one of these royal traffic obstructionists, I’m like… ummm… I better whisper this… 🤬

Pet Peeve #3: Getting the same toy in a McDonald’s Happy Meal

Okay… look… this one is… uh… a little embarrassing. But have you ever gone to McDonald’s because you were aiming for one specific toy? Maybe it was the ultra-cool, limited-edition, glow-in-the-dark Space Unicorn with laser hooves.

Yeah, I know… you’re judging. But it’s not my fault that my 54 year-old brain is still operating at age 12. Just saying… 🤷‍♂️🤦😂

Anyway… you order your Happy Meal with all the confidence of a mature human being who definitely, absolutely, 100% is NOT emotionally invested in a children’s toy. You open that box…and staring back at you… again! Is the same toy you already have three of! The Disco-Dancing Potato Man, who wiggles when you bump him.

You don’t even know why he exists. You certainly don’t know why you own so many of him. And you really don’t know how to explain to the teenager at the counter… “That’s… uh… actually not the toy I wanted!”

I’ve never felt shame so deep. The kind of shame where you start questioning your current place in life… while holding a box of apple slices and a fourth Disco-Dancing Potato Man.

So, yeah… waking up early, left-lane dawdlers, and being haunted by a dancing spud. There you go! My top three pet peeves.