How do you feel about cold weather?
With all the icy clarity of a frozen windshield, I hate cold weather!
There, I said it! Boldly, unapologetically, and with frostbitten fingers that just tried to type “cozy” and ended up mashing random keys because they’ve lost all feeling.
Some people romanticize cold weather. They wax poetic about snowflakes, scarves, and how their coffee just hits different in winter. Well, yeah—coffee hits different when your entire soul is frozen and the only thing standing between you and hypothermia is a $9 hot coffee and a parka that makes you look like a fashionably depressed marshmallow.
But me? Give me sun; give me beach; give me sand that sneaks into places sand should never be, and a mildly sunburned nose that says, “I’ve made worse choices, but at least this one is warm.”
I want flip-flops, not frostbite. I want the sound of ocean waves, not the sound of my teeth auditioning for a percussion band. I want to be out there, lounging in the sun, drink in hand, possibly mumbling something about a lost shaker of salt while Jimmy Buffett plays in the background and I try to remember if sunscreen was optional or a legal requirement.
You know what doesn’t happen in warm weather? Your car door freezing shut. Your nose hairs turning into stalactites. The unholy moment when you sit on a cold toilet seat, reconsidering last night’s extra-bean burrito that led you to that point.
So, to the folks who love cold weather—who actually enjoy the idea of scraping their windshield at 6 am—I wish you all the cocoa and cardigan joy in the world. But I’ll be over here planning my escape to anywhere that doesn’t require layering like I’m dressing for a NASA spacewalk.
Crock’s Thoughts 