Crock’s Thoughts

Sunny and hot! Some people call it unbearable. I call it “nature’s way of grilling me to perfection.” After spending nine months out of the year living in cold, Ohio—where the state bird is a frozen cardinal, and you have to microwave your jeans before putting them on—I’ll take spontaneous combustion over frostbite any day.

However, as a weather geek, my atmospheric love life is complicated. Because while I worship the sun like a lizard in a tanning bed, I also have a side fling with chaos—storm chasing!

I’m the guy who sees a severe weather warning and treats it like an invitation. While normal people are hiding in their basements with flashlights and emergency snacks, I’m outside barefoot, leaning casually against my aluminum-sided house like I’m trying to become the next Marvel origin story. Call me Captain Static—my only superpowers are questionable decision-making skills and a refusal to come inside until the deck furniture takes flight.

But let’s be clear—I’m not completely reckless. I bring my lawn chair, a bottle of beer cold enough to make a polar bear question its life choices, and my classiest flowered shirt. I’m basically a geeky-storm-lovin’ Bigfoot with a weather app and a death wish.

So, the next time you see storm clouds rolling in and hear a distant, unhinged “YEEHAW” on the wind, just know—I’m out there, clutching my weather app, wearing a shirt that’s 90% flamingos, and daring lightning to make me its profile picture.