Crock’s Thoughts

I always say, “An election is a decision to determine which turd sandwich tastes the best.”

You might ask, “So, how in the hell do we do that?” It’s actually quite easy.

First, it’s important to understand the two types of voters—policy voters and clapping seals.

When I first started voting, I was the latter. Clapping seals are those people who vote the R or D regardless of what a turd sandwich tastes like. They clap their fins, barking approval at everything aligned with their favorite political brand.

These fin-slapping fans also include those who pick a turd sandwich based on presentation—again, regardless of what it tastes like. They ooh and ahh at the garnish on top but have not a clue about the taste. These folks are easily influenced by the many falsehoods pandered by the media, too.

After many years of wisdom gained from political disappointments, I finally transitioned to a policy voter. These are the voters who choose a sandwich based on their preferred government policy. They look past the political parties, media, and what their favorite influencers are saying about the flavor of a particular turd sandwich.

While being a policy voter makes your taste selection easier, it does take a bit of time to clear through all the static (e.g., media, propaganda, commercials). But all you need to do is study voting records. And if they don’t have much of a voting record, dig a bit deeper to see how they governed—even if they only governed as the local dog catcher.

So, how do I decide between turd sandwiches? If I agree with three policy decisions from turd sandwich number one; however, I only agree with one policy decision made by sandwich number two… well, I go with turd sandwich number one!

Even if turd sandwich number one smells worse, at least I’ve made an educated decision based on taste (i.e., facts), and not political party or presentation.